UNheadlines

 

DESPERATELY SEEKING HOLLYWOOD. ("NO LOBSTER RISOTTO?"), MS. BARRYMORE IS, LIKE, U.N. FIRST FRIEND.

15 March 2004

Those concerned about an eroding U.N. role in an extremely challenging world need not worry for long. Ms. Drew Barrymore is coming to the rescue. Those in New York desperately seeking any connection with Hollywood at any price have been sending their emissaries to Los Angeles for the last five years in the hope of catching anything on a silver screen. In a recent celebrated gathering actress Drew Barrymore declared herself U.N. First Friend (FF for short). Welcome Welcome (WW). As the Beatles would say: Roll over Beethoven, tell Tchaikovsky the news. To kick off the occasion, the self-declared former drug addict with two broken marriages and a family feud by the age of 29 announced: "I wish there were, like, boxes at every corner that you could, like, list the things that speak to you, like I love the environment, I want to protect that, like, I care about animals, I care about AIDS epidemic..."

Recognizing that such an opening was not adequate ammunition for defending "U.N. values" proclaimed by the Secretary General as a measure of true friendship, Ms. Barrymore opened herself to an elaborate interview with Glamour recently in which her best friend and business partner described her proudly as "no lobster risotto" -- possibly a coded message to anxious peacekeepers in the field. She had recently read Hemingway's "Fairwell to Arms," commenting that "You have to face the music that it can't always work." About broken marriages she explains: "I kind of screwed that one up -- whenever the subject comes up, I get, like, in my place. I feel like a kid who just burned down the house..." But she promisingly adds that you could fall in love with someone every day. Clearing the "biggest misconception about her," she responds that there was that part of her that "will be thought of as a f-up (one F); or a weird girl who went through a wild period. But then at the same time as soon as that changes I would be really bummed if people thought, Oh, she's just that actress and a business woman. I'd feel like...a fart!"

Welcome to the leadership team.